Forgiveness is essential for your own personal growth. However, it can be extremely painful to fully forgive someone especially if that person is not remorseful of their actions that caused you harm. Carrying around that hurt, though, can lead to deeper anger, resentment, and hate which are emotions that can rob you of your energy and disempower you in the process. Forgiveness is when you are able to let go of the resentment and find compassion for the person who has hurt you deeply. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrong that has happened or even that you want to reconcile the relationship. You can forgive without believing that their actions were acceptable or justified.
Forgiveness does not mean just saying the words. In fact, it can happen without ever speaking to the other person. Forgiveness is more about the emotional change that you go through. It is a decision to overcome that pain that has been inflicted on you unfairly. To forgive someone you do not need to forget, reconcile, or condone the other person’s wrongdoing.
It is important to know what forgiveness is and why it is important. Forgiveness is about extending mercy and goodness even if the other person doesn’t “deserve” it. There is no formula for forgiveness; it is a process that happens within yourself and for yourself. It can allow you the ability to increase your own self-worth and build your inner strength and safety. Studies have even shown that it can even reduce anxiety and depression.
Think about who you are doing this for. Are you forgiving for yourself? If you are forgiving in a grudgingly way because it is the “right thing to do” then you aren’t truly forgiving and will only be able to go so far.
In order to truly forgive someone, you have to be able to find meaning in your suffering. That can be a painful journey. If you aren’t able to find meaning in that suffering, it can lead to a dark place of hopelessness and despair. Finding meaning in your suffering does not negate your pain. This is something that you can do on your own, but it can take a lot of time and energy. Having a support through that journey such as a therapist can be a great way to share what you are feeling and process it while you are going through it. It can allow you perspective and allow you to challenge some of the thoughts or feelings that may be getting in the way of you being able to forgive.
Another really helpful think to try to understand forgiveness and how it applies to you is to seek therapy. A therapist can help you work through the stages of forgiveness and how it applies directly to you and the situation or person that you are struggling with. There is not definitive handbook that can help you to move past hurts, but with support and guidance you can find a way to be whole again.
To find a therapist best suited for you, using a directory such as mental health match, psychology today, or therapyden. To connect with me, you can book your free 30 minute consultation on our website or feel free to email us at mindfulsolutions@itherapymail.com.
*Although I am a therapist by profession, I am not YOUR therapist. This article is for informational and educational purposes only, does not replace therapy and does not establish any kind of therapist-client relationship with me. I am not liable or responsible for any damages resulting from or related to your use of this information. To see more information about our disclamer(s): https://www.mindfulsolutionscorp.com/disclaimers.