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  • Writer's pictureEmmily Weldon

Sex and Intimacy in Premarital Therapy: Building a Fulfilling Connection

Sex and intimacy are essential aspects of a healthy and fulfilling marriage. While they can be sensitive topics, discussing them openly in premarital therapy is crucial for building a strong foundation even if there has been abstinence prior to marriage.

The Significance of Discussing Sex and Intimacy:

  1. Alignment of Expectations: Talking about your sexual expectations, desires, and boundaries allows you to align your sexual needs as a couple.

  2. Enhancing Connection: Open conversations about intimacy can lead to a deeper emotional and physical connection between partners.

  3. Conflict Prevention: Discussing sex and intimacy in advance can help prevent potential conflicts or misunderstandings in the future.

  4. Healthy Communication: Engaging in this conversation reinforces open and healthy communication, which is essential in all aspects of the relationship.

Tips for Opening Up the Conversation:

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a private and comfortable setting where you both feel relaxed and secure to discuss this sensitive topic.

  2. Use "I" Statements: Start your conversation with "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, say, "I feel it's important for us to talk about our sexual expectations," rather than making accusations.

  3. Active Listening: Encourage active listening. Allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption, and then reciprocate with your own perspective.

  4. Approach with Empathy: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Acknowledge that both partners may have different experiences and desires.

  5. Share Your Desires and Boundaries: Express your sexual desires and boundaries honestly and respectfully. This creates a foundation for understanding your partner's needs as well.

  6. Discuss Expectations: Talk about your expectations regarding frequency, preferences, and what makes each of you feel loved and desired.

  7. Address Past Experiences: If relevant, discuss any past experiences that may influence your feelings about sex and intimacy.

  8. Seek Guidance: If the conversation becomes challenging or if you encounter concerns, consider seeking guidance from your premarital therapist. They can provide a safe space for discussing these matters and offer professional insights.


Be patient with each other. It's normal to have different feelings and needs.This conversation is an ongoing process. Continue to communicate about your sex life and intimacy throughout your marriage.

Discussing sex and intimacy in premarital therapy is an important step in building a fulfilling and lasting marriage. By approaching this conversation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you and your partner can establish a strong foundation for a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship.

If you feel that premarital therapy might be the right choice as you navigate this new chapter in your life you can use a directory service where you can narrow your search based on types of therapy, insurance, location, etc.. Counselor directories to get started can include or mental health match. Here at Mindful Solutions, we offer a package with 10 sessions directly tailored to concerns regarding preparing for marriage. To learn more about connecting directly with Mindful Solutions you can reach out via email (, phone (619-353-5139), or book your free 30 minute consultation on our website!

*Although I am a therapist by profession, I am not YOUR therapist. This article is for informational and educational purposes only, does not replace therapy and does not establish any kind of therapist-client relationship with me. I am not liable or responsible for any damages resulting from or related to your use of this information. To see more information about our disclamer(s):

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